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uhhh,,, work in progress

TRIGGER WARNINGS: abusive family; alcohol abuse; transphobia; self harm; suicide attempt.

Look, it's hard for me to talk about it but here goes nothing.
It's been two years since pandemic started, so I've been on my parents house for this long.
It got really ugly really fast. Maybe you already know of some cases of aggression I've suffered from my sister. She's a bipolar alcoholic who frequently enters the state of mania and abuses me either verbally or physically.
I've never even defended myself properly from her. I didn't hurt her, I never abused her.
But she's left me bleeding.
She has both explicitly encouraged me to kms and OUTED me as a trans person to my parents.
I've beared until November, when I was in my room quiet while there was a family gathering outside, I was depressed and asked for space, that was respected by my family.
Until my sister drunkenly bursts into my room and accuses me of a bunch of weird random stuff. I was obviously very sober and aware of what was happening once again, I did my best to appeal to her senses and talk to her to amenize the situation.
It didn't work, she took it as a taunt and kept being aggressive but now openly verbally abusing me.
I asked her many times to leave my room and she didn't. I pushed her out of it and held my door close, since the thing has no lock. It only worked for some time until she started kicking the door and throwing herself at the door.
From that point on she threw herself on the floor and kept abusing me. She kicked me some times. I threatened to film her and she went berserk on me, besides threatening to beat my little brother up (who is literally my reason to live). That threw me off my feet.
THAT finally made me lose my cool and fight her back, but only verbally. It was a shit show though and she got what she wanted: a reason to beat me up.
My brother had already intervened but she chased him out so he got my father and my father got her to stop.
He took her outside to talk to her and all and they talked quite a bit, she would yell horrible things about me in the intention of me hearing it.
Look, I was fucking trembling and crying and so fucked up that I hid under my bed for hours and hours until I could hear her sleeping.
I left my house to some friends' house few days later, I spent two weeks away and when I came back I still was fucking terrified and not one bit ready to step in that house again.I couldn't trust my parents either, the weekend before this happened with my sister my parents had an outburst on me and also harshly verbally abused me while both drunk and me sober again. They told me things like that I should just de if I truly was suicidal, they also kicked me out that night. (but went back on their words the morning after)This is all already too much right? it all happened Nov 7 to Nov 14 or smth, then I left and came back just in time for my birthday (Dec 1st) but I didn't stop at home either. I kept traveling to my bf's house, which is three cities away and wouldn't give news back. I just didn't want to go back.
But eventually I had to.Some time passed until something similar happened again, it was on Dec 10th, my grandma's birthday. I had a great fucking day that day, and an amazing time with her and my cousins. The problem is when my mom (who was already drunk hours earlier) started humiliating me in front of my family. Everybody got tense, yk? She was visibly altered and much drunker than anybody in the room.
I kept silent as I didn't want to start a fight.
On the way home I non-violently told her I didn't like the way she treated me and felt very upset by that. That was enough to set her off.
She verbally attacked me all the way home and also at home, my sister appeared, and, while she had NOT been on my grandma's, she teamed up with my mother agaisnt me.
After that it wasn't about my grandma's anymore and only about both of them making me their target again, when my father appeared I was exhilarated and begged for him to stop them but he said I was "out of myself and attacking everybody".
Dude.
I couldn't believe it.
I argued agaisnt that but no-one would listen and then my dad, who is HUGE, was physically attacking me. My mom did the same, and she was explicitly transphobic too. My sister only helped them get angrier.
My brother was as desperate as I was but no-one would listen to him.
When it all ended I was emotionally fucked up and went straight to the medicine box to commit suicide.
I locked myself in another room and wrote letters, lightly cut my wrists but gave up, took the meds (awful horrible taste) and just waited for death.
I remember nothing from this point on.
The day after I woke up in the hospital and it was afternoon.
I don't remember much, I was highly medicated. I asked the nurses to get my parents out of the room. The nurses talked to me for a long long time and they helped me decide I should do this, come to the internet and offer any service I can do so I can save money and leave my house. These past few days have been harsh, everyone just pretends nothing has ever happened even though my whole body is bruised purple and blue.* Nobody apologized, nobody mentions it.
This is all that's happened. This is what I've been through these last months but there's much worse shit in the past too. I can't take it anymore.
Please help me, I want to survive

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• By commissioning me, you’re purchasing my artist labor and a digital copy of your commissioned artwork. I retain all the rights to my work, which include but are not limited to the right to distribute, reproduce, copy and/or use the work as a sample for sales or self-promotion.
• If you’d like the commission to remain private (not ever published anywhere), an extra may be charged.
• You are welcome to upload your commission to social media, as long as you give me credit for the work.
• I reserve the right to reuse drafts and elements that were rejected by the commissioner for other commissions or personal works.

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• Tarot readings are very different from my other types of commission, we will book an appointment and do the reading together.
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